With or Without You Energy

Utkarsh Narang
Mar 3
3 min read

January 12, 2026

Welcome to another beautiful week. When an idea sparks that I think is worth sharing, it becomes this weekly newsletter. If something hits home, write back. I love conversations. This is Weekly Spark #33.

There’s an idea I learned from Daniel Priestley that has stayed with me for years: Walk into life with “with or without you” energy.

At first glance, it can sound harsh. Almost dismissive.

So let me clarify what it doesn’t mean.

It does not mean:

“I don’t care about you.”
“I’ll succeed at your expense.”
“I’m doing this alone.”

That’s not leadership. That’s ego.

What it does mean is this:

I am committed to my path. I want you with me.

But my success is not dependent on your approval.

The Subtle Shift That Changes Everything

Most of us walk into situations carrying invisible weight:

I hope they like me.
I hope they say yes.
I hope I don’t mess this up.
I hope I’m enough.

That energy leaks.

It turns conversations into performances. It turns leadership into people-pleasing. It turns selling into pressure. “With or without you” energy removes that weight.

It says:

I’m present.
I’m prepared.
I’m focused.
And I’m okay either way.

Paradoxically, that’s when people lean in.

A Story From My Own Life

When I became a coach, one thing was clear: Selling did not come naturally to me.

I love conversations. Depth. Reflection. Meaning. Sales calls, on the other hand, felt like a stage. I felt I had to convince, impress, prove.

And the moment I needed the outcome, I stopped being myself.

Over time, I learned something crucial.

The best sales calls I’ve ever had were the ones where I walked in thinking:

“I’d love to work with you. And I’ll be absolutely fine if we don’t.”

That mindset shifted everything.

The pressure disappeared.

The conversation deepened.

I stopped performing and started practicing my craft.

I wasn’t trying to win. I was trying to understand.

That’s “with or without you” energy in action.

Why This Matters in Leadership

It frees you from external validation. You stop shrinking to be liked. You start showing up as you are. You become calm, not desperate. Grounded, not needy.

Your team can feel when you need their compliance. They can also feel when you’re steady in your direction.

“With or without you” energy creates:

Clear boundaries
Honest conversations
Respect over approval

People don’t follow certainty that’s loud. They follow certainty that’s quiet.

And as an organisation, the strongest cultures aren’t built on fear of attrition or approval.

They’re built on clarity of purpose. People choose to stay not because they’re trapped, but because they’re aligned.

The Conversation That Cemented This for Me

I recently spoke to Abhijit Bhaduri on the podcast, and we touched on this idea. At its core, this energy is about detachment from outcome, not detachment from people.

You still care. You still listen. You still show up fully.

But you don’t outsource your confidence to the other side of the table.

If you have not heard the conversation, you must either on YouTube or Spotify

Final Spark

“With or without you” energy isn’t arrogance. It’s inner stability. It’s saying: I choose this path. I welcome partnership. And I trust myself enough to keep walking, regardless.

Try this the next time you: