Utkarsh Narang (00:01.282) Welcome to another episode of the IgnitedNeurons podcast. Before I started to record this one, I had an introduction for my guest today. Clarissa Burt joins me from the US. What I thought was that I'd introduce all her achievements to you and that's how we'll do the intro. But as we were talking before we started recording, it came to me that if you're someone who feels that we live in a fragmented world and somewhere the root of that is how we connect with our own selves, our self-esteem and how we identify ourselves as human beings, then this episode will be for you. I can't assure you that Clarissa and I will have a solution at the end of the 45 or 50 minutes that we have, but I assure you that we'll ignite some neurons and that'll be worth your while. Welcome Clarissa to the conversation. Clarissa Burt (00:48.62) Yeah. Well, thank you so kindly. Thank you very, very much. Utkarsh Narang (00:52.546) Looking forward to this conversation. And, and there's a ritual at the podcast because we want to start really deep into the, into the ocean of who you are. And the question that we start Clarissa with is that if that eight year old Clarissa, wherever she was growing, wherever she was in that, that eight year old Clarissa, if that Clarissa were to come and meet you right now, what kind of a conversation do you think will emerge? Clarissa Burt (01:12.824) you Well, know, 8 year old Clarissa wasn't very sure of herself, that's for sure. Coming from a tumultuous background and a tumultuous home life, was a little bit difficult to understand, you know, just exactly where I was going to be going and how I was going to get there. the universe ultimately always takes care of that. So that's message number one. know, fear not and know that, you know, if you really do believe, you know, again, you your dreams and your desires are lovely things to have, but always know that, you know, nothing is handed to you on a silver platter and that the things that you really really want to have happen in your life you have to work for. So there is message number two. 8-year-old Clarissa was just full of all kinds of hope. And the first thing she wanted to do was graduate high school, which I did early, and get into New York City. I was living in New Jersey at the time. New York City was a two-hour train ride. And I got myself a job at 20 years old, I think, in New York City. And so I would go back and forth every day. And it killed me. For a year, I was up every morning very early getting the trains and getting to work and coming back. exactly what I wanted to do. was the growth I wanted to have. wanted the bright lights and the big city. And I knew I wanted to model. That was one thing I really wanted to do. As a young girl, not only was I Mary Poppins in the kindergarten play, so that should have been a a first indication that I was meant for, you know, the microphones and the stage. But the I used to love watching the back in the day, we had only three channels on the TV, but there were every Saturday, these beautiful big movies, you know, with Avogardner and Rita Hayworth and Dancing. Clarissa Burt (02:53.76) and beautiful gowns and handsome, you know, leading men. And I knew that that was really attractive to me. I really loved that. But as I grew and was growing, I was gawky and I was tall and I was thin and long legs and, you know, buck teeth and all the things that were very unattractive as far as being a model was concerned. And as I went into New York City and got the jobs, you know, I was having fun with people saying, you know, you really should be a model. You really are so pretty, you know, you really should be a model and I in my lack of self-esteem would just continue to say, I just I could never well, thank you But you know, I just could never and then I think one day I woke up and said but what if I could Why don't I try? And that's where it really started to build for me is when I said, yeah, let me try. So I went to a couple of agencies in New York City. I had a couple of pictures that were taken beforehand. And it was that simple. was like, OK, yeah, sure. We'd love to have you. OK. You know, so it's a lot of the times it's the chatter in our own heads that's holding us back. We get in our own way. If the answer had been no, oh gosh, if it had been no. I would have taken another path. rejection is one of the things you can guarantee is going to happen in life. Especially in that business, acting, modeling, it's one of the things that you can just take that to the bank. It's going to happen. So one of the first things in self-esteem is just to really get all of the fundamentals down, if you will, knowing that whatever you are and whoever you are, is so much more than enough because enough isn't enough. don't know if I told you that in a past conversation, but when I looked up the definition, you know, I am enough, you are enough, we are all enough. I looked up the definition of enough and enough is only as much as is required. Well, just by definition, the word enough isn't enough, is it? So the new mantra now is I am so much more than enough. Clarissa Burt (05:01.012) and believe that. Know that in your core, in your soul. Believe it. Recite it. Write it down. Put it on your mirror. Make it the screen on your cell phone. Do what you need to do to be your own cheerleading squad, to be your own rah-rah session. Utkarsh Narang (05:22.444) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (05:22.584) And this is kind of where it starts. When I was younger, I, you know, as I said, we had no internet, no computers, none of that, but we had three bookstores in the United States. Borders Books, Walden Books, and Barnes and Noble. And I take that moment to say that my book is in Barnes and Noble and it has been for the last five years. So that was a, you know, crowning, it's like a full circle moment, right? But I would go to a little section in the back and it was self-help. And in that little section in the back, honestly, there couldn't have been 40, maybe 50 books about self-improvement, self-esteem, all the things. They didn't even, we didn't even call it personal development yet, you know. Today, when I walk into Barnes & Noble and I so proudly see my book there, it is the personal development section. It is rows upon rows upon rows upon rows upon rows upon rows of books in that section, and it is now a billion dollars. industry to the point right and the point is that we are always looking for solace advice a way out you know just answers you know things that will give us a structure a blueprint sometimes if you will right on how we want to be and who we want to be which is extremely important to understand that an early age Utkarsh Narang (06:52.002) Hmm. There's so much, there's so much to break down from, what you've just shared. And I was taking notes, and within the first seven minutes, the whole page is full now. No, no, no, no, I love it. I love it. I love it. I think what I'm going to ask the listeners to do is to really have a notepad while, while they listen to this and, and take notes, because I think unless you take notes, nothing's going to stick. And I think unless you Clarissa Burt (07:02.776) If you want, I can talk less. Utkarsh Narang (07:22.048) action, nothing's going to change. And so you spoke about fear, you spoke about dreams and desires, you spoke about working for everything that you want to achieve and nothing's going to be on the silver platter. You spoke about lack of self-esteem in the early days. Let's pick one of these. Dreams and desires. We have plenty, but the fear and the chatter within stops us. And you very easily said Clarissa that you went to a few agencies and you got through, but it would have been a Clarissa Burt (07:24.492) Yes. Utkarsh Narang (07:51.917) tough journey I'm imagining because as rejection is part of any industry. how do you do a reality check there for someone who has the dreams and desires, but the fear paralyzes them? What should they be doing? Clarissa Burt (08:02.498) Yeah. Well, think rejection is something important to understand is when you go in for a job interview or when you're going on a date or when you're going, know, for, you know, again, to an agency or that rejection is a part of life that you need to learn to understand and almost embrace because rejection is something that, first of all, you you take it on yourself and you, may think that it's you, it's me that they're rejecting when in reality, many times they don't know what they're looking for in that job, that lovely, Utkarsh Narang (08:26.158) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (08:34.106) person you went on a date with, whatever it lot of times they are in lack of self-esteem, in lack of knowledge, not knowing what they're looking for. And it's not always necessarily a reflection on you. But what you have now under your belt is another experience where it didn't work out the way you might have hoped, but it's another stepping stone into the direction of where you do want to be. Success is really kind of one of those funny kinds of things that Utkarsh Narang (08:46.702) you Clarissa Burt (09:04.5) It's a stepping stone at a time. You don't always get it right the first time. We talked about fear, right? And fear, a lot of times it's fear of failing. The rejection part, the fear of failing. When failure, if you take the word fail, it's your first attempt in learning. first attempt in learning. And that means, you it didn't always necessarily work out the first time, but now you're, you know, you're that much closer to another really great, you know, learning moment, teaching moment, if you will, a learning moment and that much closer to, you know, a successful, a successful outcome. So we don't always get it right the first time. We're not always going to get it right the first time. If you get it right the first time, can you imagine if Ford had gotten the first car off of the, you the assembly line? perfect? Didn't happen. Can you imagine Einstein? know, was it Einstein that came out with the light bulb? I think it was. No, was Edison. Yes, Edison when he came out with the light bulb. Do you think that happened right away? Do you think the first phone, the telephone with Alexander Graham Bell, do you think that happened right away? Or Marconi with the first radio waves? No, it doesn't. And you know, and if they had said, gee, know, it didn't work, and I'm a failure, and Utkarsh Narang (09:52.632) Mm, yeah. Utkarsh Narang (09:58.999) Edison, Yeah. Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (10:19.47) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (10:21.342) Where would we be today? We may not have electricity or radio or all the things right now. I'm exaggerating but I think you get the point When I say never give up, know Give up and if I had tried for the 10th I've gone to 10 agencies and they all said no I might have said okay. You know what? Maybe it's not modeling I want to do maybe it's acting maybe I need to be on the stage Maybe I need to be in movies or maybe I need to be on broadcast television. In other words, there's ample ample opportunities Utkarsh Narang (10:27.372) Yeah. Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (10:40.878) Mmm. Clarissa Burt (10:51.162) Right? And when the opportunity presents itself, jump on it. Be afraid of it. That's okay. You know, be, be petrified of it. That's okay. But do it anyway. Because I tell you that you'll learn so much about yourself in that, in that process. It becomes so exciting to know, gosh, I can't believe a month ago, I was so scared to, you know, take a microphone and get on that stage. And now I can't wait to get that microphone and get on the stage. It's so much fun. Utkarsh Narang (10:56.386) Hmm. Utkarsh Narang (11:19.96) Love it. Love it. love it. Utkarsh Narang (11:26.35) Like I'm slightly speechless because you're saying such powerful, beautiful things. A mirror neurons are fighting in my head because I think every word that you're saying, absolutely believe in it. Clarissa Burt (11:38.22) Hey guys, no fighting, no fighting. Utkarsh Narang (11:41.132) Yeah. Yeah. so, so you spoke about failure as something that it's your first attempt in learning. I think a great way to, to reframe everything that we are speaking about, for, for our listeners is that just pause and ask yourself, like you said, right. Don't give up, find some of that opportunities. You can find another path. And the question you must be asking yourself is what did I learn through this moment? And that just changes the, it just flips the script because then you're not worried about. Clarissa Burt (11:47.245) Yes. Utkarsh Narang (12:10.627) how you're not being able to do something, but what you're concerned about is, or what you're focused on is, how are you growing? How are you getting better at something? Somewhere spoke about this idea of the lack of self-esteem, and since the book is in Barnes and Noble, I'm going to keep coming back to self-esteem because I think that's such a... The world has gone through such cycles on this, right? That there were generations who were completely unsure, and I'm talking about generations maybe 50, 60 years ago. Clarissa Burt (12:30.2) Yep. Clarissa Burt (12:39.788) Yes. Utkarsh Narang (12:39.789) They were generations who were so full of that self-esteem that they were not fully functional because of that. Then they were generations and I'm over generalizing it, but there are generations who are still figuring out what the relationship with self-esteem is. And so if we were to simplify it, how does. Let's start there. Let's start there. So the first question is what is self-esteem? Clarissa Burt (12:45.336) Mm-hmm. Clarissa Burt (12:52.972) Yes. Well, some people don't even know what it is. Yeah, many people don't. Well, first of all, you know, I like to I like to read what self-esteem is a real. It's a lot of things, right? It's not just, you know, people say, oh, OK, I know. Never compare yourself to anybody else. OK, that's a great start. But really what it is, it's it's, you know, a complete and total belief in self. It's it's the it's the perception of yourself. It's how you treat yourself. It's what you say to yourself in your subconscious. And be very careful with that, by the way. Because what you tell your subconscious, it will believe you. It's how you will allow others to treat you, right? So, you know, we are all, by the way, we are always a work in progress. We were talking before, you know, I'm 66 years old. I'm still learning every day. There's still something about myself I learn every day. And there's still something that I must say now because I've written the book and because I really took a very deep dive into self-esteem and personal development early, early on. Clarissa Burt (14:01.308) that I have implemented, that I apply to my life, that make me very proud of the things, you know, there was a time back in my life that certain things, boundaries that were, you know, that were broken or... You know, just I was I was coming more from an angry way, you know, righteous. I had to be all that going on. Well, that doesn't get you very far. Let me just tell you that yelling and screaming because that's what I learned at home. That's what I knew. And when I got out into the world, I understood that things had to be very different. And so that's where the work on self starts. Right. Take what your parents have given you. Thank them for what you got. It may not have been perfect. In fact, I guarantee you that it wasn't. But that's where you then start to reparent. Let me say that again, where you start to reparent yourself, right now, it's your job to start to take care of the things that your parents used to take care of, right. And so if you come from a household where they were telling you only negative things about yourself, you have to get out into the world and say, well, my mom and dad told me I really wasn't a very good person. you have to then get out there and say, well, it must be true, because it's what my parents told me. It's what I know. It's what the tribe said, you know, and, you know, it's a lot of generational trauma stuff in here, we won't go down that rabbit hole. But it's on you now to say, okay, I can't be that bad. I want to learn now love of self, right? Utkarsh Narang (15:36.878) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (15:37.078) And that's where you start to understand where, you know, where and how you need to go in order to create a support group, find the friends in your life that are going to be uplifting that you will be for them as well. Get into the courses, get into the classes, read the books, make it your life's mission to have the tools in the shed that you will need at any given moment to be. I make the analogy of the hurricane, you know how life will trigger us, right? Utkarsh Narang (16:06.969) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (16:07.022) comes that hurricane and it's coming it's coming fast and we have to everybody's got a hunker down well in the storm you may you know as standing very strong in your stead right you want to be really strong when it comes by but here it comes and so you might lose a leaf or you could even lose a branch But you're not going to be uprooted with the storm and transported it away because you've done the work, the tools are in the shed, and you can better affront what is coming. It's like in Florida when they know there's a hurricane coming, they put wood on all the windows. They get ready for the storm. That's the tools in the shed I'm talking about. it makes it, it makes it easy. The other thing that is really, really important, Utkarsh is a value system. And if I were to say to people, tell me what your value system is. And most people don't even really know what that is. Like, what does that mean? Okay. And then it, you know, okay, I have my value system and I come to the table with that and it's my blueprint. Utkarsh Narang (16:47.023) Hmm. Utkarsh Narang (16:55.695) you Clarissa Burt (17:11.922) It's exactly how you what you know you can expect from me what I guarantee you and that it it's that that I, it's a lot, it's where I draw the line in the sand. Again, how I will be treated, how it will not be treated. You know that you will get full honesty from me, right? You know that you will get integrity from me. You know that you will get honesty from me, right? So when I talk about taking the high road and having the values in that sense, it's honesty, integrity, gratitude, and honor. And if I can live in all of my, now by the way, when you start living this way, you're going to lose people. So know that people are going to get their noses out of joint, they're going to notice your changes, and they're going to understand in a certain way that some of them are going to try to hold you back, some of them are going to get upset. But when you grow into a higher energy force and a higher energy field, there is something that I know I'm jumping around, Dr. Stephen Hawking came up with the emotion but the vibrational emotional chart, I think it's called that. And if you go and you take a look at it and I can pull it up, but I forget where I have it now. Or maybe I have it on my notes. But it's one of those vibrational emotional charts where you say to yourself, here it is. The very, very bottom is, know, emotional vibration is at 20. And that's where you live in shame. And the next is guilt. I live in grief, I live in fear. Clarissa Burt (18:53.176) These are really low vibrational energies. Then we bump it up a little bit and we go into desire and anger and pride and courage, right? A little bit better. We're getting a little, you know, those are the lower vibrational energies. But as you go up, it's willingness and acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, and then ultimately enlightenment, right? That's the ultimate consciousness. So where are you? Where are you on that? a vibrational energetic chart. Where are you? How are you vibrating? Where are you? know, so if that's another tool that that I talk about that I think is just really, really important. So there are these ways of checking in and checking with yourself that are really important when it comes to self-esteem. Like there are a couple of days while I get up and go, I don't know, I'm probably a 250. I'm kind of neutral today. Right. Because I don't always get it right. I'm not just because I the book doesn't make me perfect. I just I'm human. Right. So I know I Utkarsh Narang (19:53.305) Yeah. Clarissa Burt (19:56.106) bounced all over on you there. Sorry about that. Utkarsh Narang (19:57.432) No, it is perfect. It's perfect. So, and I made notes. that's what I think my role is right to sit here. A, let this fountain of learning of experience of the thinking that you're bringing to me. I just simply love what I'm hearing. Clarissa Burt (20:16.192) A of people have difficulty with their parents. They say, come on, Clarissa, how are we supposed to honor our parents? I you know, I really had some awful parents. Well, your parents, right? When we talk about honoring your parents, know that it's about what they believed about themselves and projected onto you. It was never about you. And if I can leave that with people that are upset with it, here's the most honorable thing you can do. Love them anyway. Honor them anyway. Clarissa Burt (20:52.074) move past their dysfunction, don't make it yours, do the best you can. You know, I very often I say the toxic stops here. It stops with me. And honoring them, it's like a weapon that'll keep their dysfunction from overtaking you. That's what honor is. It keeps your heart from being damaged, and you can be the person that your parents can't take credit for. That's where you want to be. Utkarsh Narang (21:07.897) Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (21:13.635) Yeah. Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (21:23.599) Yeah. So this idea of re-parenting is coming to our podcast for the second time. So I have a question on that, which I'll come to, but here's what you have till now. So one is we start with that complete and total belief in self. What are you telling your subconscious and how are you programming your mindset? I think that's where the key lies. That's like the first level of our entry into this, this work that we're getting into. Then the second is a lot of that conversation has happened or is happening the subconscious. Clarissa Burt (21:30.55) Yeah. Yeah. Clarissa Burt (21:47.938) Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (21:53.764) because of what our parents have told us or sometimes larger, maybe what society has told us. And the idea that you're giving here is to re-parent yourself or just care for yourself and reprogram yourself. Reprogram yourself, which I love. So we'll speak more about that. And that means take care of yourself because now you don't have a parent taking care of yourself. So how are you going to take care of yourself? And that's where the love for self. Yeah. You got to be, be the adult to yourself. Clarissa Burt (21:55.768) Yes. Yes. Clarissa Burt (22:03.562) and reprogram. Repair it and reprogram. Yes. Clarissa Burt (22:17.452) Yeah, it's your responsibility now. Yeah. Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (22:24.175) And there is almost like as soon as I said that to be the adult to yourself, there is a little five-year-old, eight-year-old right within me who's wanting more, who's wanting joy, who's wanting, who has the desire of just maybe having wind beneath his wings and flying away. And that's it. It's a very simple joy that he seeks. And I'm talking about myself right now. And then what I loved was... Yes. Yes. Clarissa Burt (22:28.557) Yeah. Clarissa Burt (22:32.202) I know. Yeah, yeah. Clarissa Burt (22:46.136) Yeah. So going back to that boy, going back to that boy, let me ask you this. Who do you become when you don't get what you want? Who do you become when you don't get what you want? And here we're talking a little bit more about now moving into emotional intelligence. How do you treat people that can do nothing for you? All right. Utkarsh Narang (23:04.323) Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The answer there is, the answer there is I become someone who I don't want to be. That's what I would call like a superficial answer. And then I went deeper, Clarissa and I thought about my values because you spoke about your values and they came to the forefront and there's a value there, which is love. And so that my personal value then tells me, Utkarsh it's okay for how things are shaping up. Clarissa Burt (23:26.488) Yeah. Clarissa Burt (23:34.359) Yeah. Utkarsh Narang (23:34.649) How can you be more loving of yourself, of the situation of other people? But I'm not going to go there yet because the answer is that when I don't get something that I want and I feel I desire, I feel rejected, I feel dejected, I feel it's not working out. So what should I do? Clarissa Burt (23:36.962) Yes. Clarissa Burt (23:44.877) Yeah. Clarissa Burt (23:49.432) Yeah. Yeah. I think the most important thing is to be prepared to live in a constant state of evolution. That's extremely important. And then people, a lot of times when we talk about self-esteem, know, well, I mean, I don't know, I just, you know, I'm not good enough. Well, listen, let me just remind you that you were made by all that is perfect. You were made, you can call it whatever you want. I don't care what name you give it, but you were made by all that is perfect. Believe me when I tell you they knew what they were doing or it knew what it was doing. Call it whatever you will. Clarissa Burt (24:28.952) pretty simple stuff. It's just again, we have to get out of our own way and we have to get the voices of the familial tribe of our peers of media of social media of all of the formative processes that we go through in our early years. And then what happens we you know, we know sooner out of the house with our parents and all then we jump into college and university. my god, you know. So there's and there's you know, we just talked pre pre show we Utkarsh Narang (24:29.679) actually. Clarissa Burt (24:58.926) talked about what's going on, you know, there. So, you know, there's really very little time for us to stop, take a deep breath. Like, where do we do that? Where do we stop, take a deep breath and go? Okay, great. Calm, peace. Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? You know, I'm now and I am now the director of my movie, right? What do I want this movie? You know, how what kind of legacy am I preparing, you know, to live? How do I want to live my life? Utkarsh Narang (25:26.445) You know, I'm going to challenge this and here's where this coming from. What you're saying is absolutely true. I hundred percent resonate with it. You're calling it the director of movie. I call it the author of my story and we're resonating on this. But the world is unforgiving right now. The kind of social media that we are bathing in, we are consuming, we are endlessly scrolling through that does not allow me to even get in touch with, get in touch with. the partner next to me get in touch with the child that I have, get in touch with the friend that I have. And I'm always looking at that algorithm and that algorithm is guiding me. It's not easy. People are not doing that enough. Clarissa Burt (25:58.722) Take your time. step back, step back, step back, step away. Take the time. If it's meditation for you, if it's a hike, if it's a walk, it back into nature is really, really important. Take a swim, get to the beach, do what you can to take that self care is really important. We talk about, I talk about that a lot and it's non-negotiable. It goes into the calendar, just like you would a dentist appointment, a badminton appointment, the tennis court appointment, know, out at the bar with your friends and date with a girl. All those things get put into the calendar. Why is it then we are constantly making ourselves less important by not giving ourselves our time? Because we have in especially in the times, especially in these times, we have got to regroup and regenerate. Absolutely. Yes, of course, it's not easy. Nothing's easy. Gosh, nothing is easy. Right. But we have to make ourselves the priority, because a lot of what is going on around us is not It may affect us, but it's not really in true resonance with us. Go back a little bit to that energetic vibrational chart I was talking about. Go back to that and start trying to resonate at those higher frequencies. Get yourself into a place where you don't know, I get it. If I gotta turn off the TV, great, I'll do that. If I need to make a cup of tea, I love tea, I'll do that. If I need to just sit back, find your joy, find something that's joyful and reflect. Clarissa Burt (27:38.72) the tank. Your car is not going anywhere without gas. Utkarsh Narang (27:42.648) Love it. So if someone's resonating or someone's vibrating at that level of shame or guilt, or maybe they've gone to the level of desire and they're in these three levels, which are less constructive than the others that you're speaking about. And they feel watching Netflix, they feel going through Instagram, they feel watching the news on repeat, they feel the left versus the right. All these conversations are the ones that they want and they're unable to Clarissa. Clarissa Burt (28:11.8) Yeah. No. Nothing has any meaning except for the meaning you give it. Utkarsh Narang (28:11.821) What should they do? They're unable to switch off the TV. Clarissa Burt (28:21.95) So you will understand when you're at a saturation point. Your your brain can only take so much until you go. You know what? I can't. I can't tick tock one more minute. I never turn on the news, so I don't even know what that is. I can't take one more minute and and and it's it's I got to find something else to do. I'll go for a walk. I'll make a phone call to someone that I haven't heard from for a while. I'll reconnect with a friend. I'll make a cake. You know, I'll do I'll get into the kitchen because I love making things in the kitchen. kitchen and kind of queen anything you want. I don't make it. It find a place you could be tinkering with, you know, model cars. I don't know why. Find something else, get your mind off of it and get back to the things that give you even if it's just a little bit of joy. You don't have to be like jumping all over the way. Get away from it. It's again, you're responsible for your self, right? You're responsible for your mental well being. Nothing has any meaning except for the meaning you give it. So surround yourself with people that are wise, that are fair, that are good people. find a trusted mentor, a colleague, a professional, a friend, I don't know, a family member, a counselor. Find people that are gonna be uplifting. I'd like to think that I have become one of those people that a lot of people come to for that kind of interaction, solace, exchange, kind words, a rah-rah session. And I have also created Clarissa Burt (30:04.672) that support group where if I'm having a moment And that's what men need. Let me tell you this, it's very important that I tell you up until recently, the the suicide rate, the highest suicide rate were among our young children, young children for me anyway. They were some middle school, but mostly high school and college age. That was the high. This was the group with the highest incidence of suicide. I say suicide. It's a word in the English language. And you if you want to prefer on the law. That's fine too. Now that group as a whole is men. Men are now the first group. for suicide, especially after COVID, and not lost their jobs. Where do I go now? And a lot of people were an older, my neighbor is a lovely guy, but he was 60 years old and corporate, see ya. Where do you go from there? So a lot of men having very, very difficult times. So there are a lot of men out there that are becoming the leader of men. you know, helping men that are really in difficult places, that don't know who to talk to, that don't know where to go, that are using alcohol and drugs to escape, you know, when they really just need an ear, a shoulder, potentially a good cry, and to be understood. This, think, is one of the greatest things that men that are in leadership positions, and I've interviewed many of them, Clarissa Burt (31:41.56) that our leadership positions are doing to help guys, help, you know, younger men, older men, whatever, doesn't matter age, but men are hurting. and it's not right and it's not fair and you can cry and you can be vulnerable and you should be. There is no blame, shame or guilt in asking for help and I really invite all men that might be listening to please do that and if you feel that you can be in a leadership position for others then create something. Create a website, create a group, create a meetup, do something. Utkarsh Narang (32:03.023) Hmm. Utkarsh Narang (32:17.657) Yeah, that's so powerful. Yeah. You said something, nothing has any meaning than what you give it. I love that statement. Since we started speaking about self-esteem in this fragmented world, how do you see this relationship between how our world is right now and how our self-esteem are right now? Clarissa Burt (32:27.498) except for me. Clarissa Burt (32:46.124) I think one the things about self-esteem is really knowing and being really true. First of all, you're really knowing yourself while being true to yourself and therefore being able to be true to what you believe. I think that we're missing something. There's a disconnect in being able to really stand strong in your stead and your power in your confidence. And I think I may have told you in a pre-show, confidence, con, meaning with. And fidence in Latin or Italian meaning trust, fidere, right, is trust. So self confidence is trust in self. And I think if we were able to trust in ourselves a little bit more, look, it's a very difficult world out there. You know, there's no, there's no answer that I could come up with for you that would, know, I'm a little bit more on the kumbaya side, I guess, than I am on just full out violence and trying to, to resolve things in a violent way. We're going through Utkarsh Narang (33:20.111) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (33:44.53) some very, you know, some very tricky times right now. But I think one of the most important things is again, here's another kind of step back moment when you first when I first heard a lot of things that happened in this last week, and you know how close I am to what happened, right? First time in the United States, Charlie Kirk was very close by, I know his wife from different things. So for me, it was a different hit, you know, and so, and then all the things in social media started to come out. And you don't know what to believe. And I think that's a really important thing to do is step back because we are never ever going to know the absolute 100 % truth about what happened. And knowing that makes me not want to go out and be angry and point a finger and yell and scream and deface things. I'm not going to do that. These things are in hand in the hands of higher powers and hopefully I mean, you know, the spiritual higher powers. I'm not talking about people on this earth, higher powers. Utkarsh Narang (34:44.096) you Clarissa Burt (34:44.314) You know, these are very, very difficult times. think that it needs to be great intelligence. It takes great intelligence. I believe to be able to step back and and let others do what they're going to do. Just let them do what they're going to do because I can't stop it. I can't stop them. But I can stop myself from adding to and and fomenting and fostering even more hate, violence and and and being vile. It's just not. And I think so. Coming back to a self-esteem moment, I think it's again going very, very deep Utkarsh Narang (35:17.167) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (35:22.618) into who you are, feeling the anger, feeling the pain, feeling all those things, finding the proper box to put that in, and then get that up onto a shelf somewhere. Because it will not serve you in any way, shape, or form. That's the way I just personally feel about it. Utkarsh Narang (35:40.43) Yeah. And then, and what you're speaking about, I think, the moment I saw the news pop up and I was like on YouTube and I was like Charlie Kirk shot what like, I mean, and, not like, it was not like he was in a secluded place. He was walking alone. It was like right in the middle of everything. Right. And so it just like, again, I'm getting these goosebumps, right? How do you really have them with something that, and, and, and as soon as that happens, Clarissa Burt (36:07.67) He was getting death threats already, so he knew. He did. Utkarsh Narang (36:10.457) But the world gets divided immediately into two. One is a support group. And then there is a group that is grateful about that. Clarissa Burt (36:16.184) But again, as I told you before, these are the things that these kinds of things, taking absolutely nothing away from what has just happened, have happened for since the beginning of time, since man hit the earth. Utkarsh Narang (36:27.811) Hmm. Clarissa Burt (36:30.676) I mean, you know, hate and violence and, you know, tribalism and war. It's always been separation, divide. You know, it has always been. And it's unfortunate to see and it's unfortunate to say. But the most important thing that I think we can understand is that this isn't the first time this has happened. This is intrinsically who man is. Mankind, who mankind and humankind is intrinsically. is what potentially we could be. Look, if somebody broke into my home and I had to defend myself, then of course, this discussion would change, right? So if you're in a defensive position, obviously things would change. it's one of the kinds of things where this is how you help yourself rationalize. See, again, this is the emotional intelligence and critical thinking through, it's always been there. It's intrinsic and humankind. Utkarsh Narang (37:34.671) Yeah, so true, so true. If someone's still listening to us and they've spent the 40 minutes and they're intrigued by the conversation that you and I are having, if you could, and the world lives in tips and tricks, I don't believe in them, but the world lives in tips and tricks. If you, based on your experience, could tell them, here are three things you can start doing today that'll help you solidify, understand, and express who you truly are. What would those be Clarissa? Clarissa Burt (38:04.556) Don't let anything become a matter of pride ever. There is no shame, guilt, or guilt in an apology, which is one of the most important things that you will ever do, is ask forgiveness of someone. Sometimes, even when you don't think you're wrong. Most times, even when you don't think you're wrong. The power of an apology is one of the most congealing things. that you can do. Tomorrow isn't promised and you can do anything until you can't. You can do anything until you can't. And by that, I mean, who is it that you might have gotten into a tiff with and you haven't spoken to in a while? Who is it that you cut out of your life that may be unfairly so, or you're thinking about it differently as you've grown and matured and you're thinking now more long and emotionally intelligent way? Because again, tomorrow isn't promised. And I've seen and heard many different people say, God, I mean, I feel so bad if I had only told them before they passed. If I had only said these, if I could have only expressed, I really should have made that phone call when I could have. So the power of apology tomorrow isn't promised. You can do anything until you can't. And don't let anything become a matter of pride. Utkarsh Narang (39:42.479) question I often ask if you wanted to make that call what stopped you and I think it takes us back to that conversation you and I were having that we put ourself in the way of ourself and our pride comes in the middle and the shame comes in the middle and the guilt comes in the middle and then we don't take action. Clarissa Burt (39:58.4) And we don't take action. And remember, we were talking about rejection. Somebody might not pick up the phone. Somebody might be really. It might take more than just a phone call. It might be showing up at their doorstep. It might be sending flowers. It might be sending a beautiful card or a letter, an email. It might be. But, know. I don't want to I don't ever want to live in regret. I don't want to live in with regret ever. I want to know that I did everything that I possibly could have. Utkarsh Narang (40:09.965) Yeah. Clarissa Burt (40:27.69) and that then will give me peace. Utkarsh Narang (40:31.993) Love that, love that. And so if, as we move towards the end of our conversation, and it's been an insightful, like I'm going to go back and listen to this again, because there's like six pages of notes. If now, you said somewhere you are 66, if now we go 14 years into the future to that 80 year old, eight zero year old Clarissa, and if that Clarissa were to come to you right now and give you one piece of advice, what would she say? Clarissa Burt (40:41.176) You Clarissa Burt (41:01.572) that's a really great question. I think the most important thing I would say is I really want to commend you for having taken responsibility for your life's emotional pain, that you took ownership of wanting to become the best person that you could possibly be. even in light of the things that you didn't cause. So you were born into a certain way. You could have gone left or right. And this is everybody houses many different times in their lives. You know, you come to that to the fork in the road and you can go right or can go left. You can take the red pill or the blue pill, right? Which one are you going to take? My personal mantra right now is I want to be a better person tomorrow than I am today. I don't know what that means yet. And it could be just a little gesture. could be a grand overture, you know. But I know that that is every day when I wake up and I know that I live in full gratitude and all the things we spoke about before. But I'm just I live in abundance and gratitude and great thanks every day. There are people in this world that will never get, you that are living in absolute hell right now. And whether they, you know, it be in hospital or in war zones or whatever that is, there is no reason in the world that I or you or 99.9 % of the world shouldn't be with a smile every day being the best they can possibly be. Just my personal opinion. Utkarsh Narang (42:34.563) Beautiful, To everyone who's listening, we went from the eight-year-old Clarissa, who said that she was unsure of where life will take us. She had the dreams and desires. To now listening from the eight-year-old, who said, complimenting the previous self on taking ownership, accountability, and being the best that you can be. And this idea, you know, that... All we need to do every morning is to be better than what we were yesterday and things will be taken care of. If you can take one action from this conversation, go call that friend, call that family member, call that colleague, that manager, that whoever you had like a riff with and you feel like you could just call them and say, I apologize for the way I behaved or let's have a conversation about that. I think that'd be beautiful. And if you can. Clarissa Burt (43:03.234) Yep. Clarissa Burt (43:20.674) Yes. Yes. Lovely. Utkarsh Narang (43:27.375) Remember that tomorrow is not promised. Let's take action today because who knows this might be the last time you listen to to clarify myself and this is the last time you and I speak and and such a joy such a joy to have this conversation with you. Thank you for your time and all the wisdom that you showed us. Loved it. Thank you. To our listeners till we meet again. Make sure to share this podcast with someone who you think might value it. Clarissa Burt (43:44.76) Thank Thank you. Utkarsh Narang (43:56.397) We'll have maybe a part two with Clarissa because I still want to have more conversations on re-parenting and we will come back to that. Plenty more, plenty more. This is Utkarsh and Clarissa signing off. Clarissa Burt (44:01.15) There's plenty more!